I think I need to come clean after my glowing "bring it on" in my last post. I'm physically feeling great, perhaps my body is bored by this pregnancy thing. Been there, done that, no need to freak out. My mind isn't keeping up as well. I've been pretty sour the last few weeks.
I feel burned out on the daily routine and am starting to have those dreams about being trapped and neglecting my children. Who has been pregnant and NOT had nightmares about forgetting your baby somewhere? I seem to have no reserve of patience and the kids are getting the butt end of that. How on earth I'm going to fit in caring for an infant on top of that is stretching my mind. Oh yes, Jeremy is going to take some parental leave from work to protect my sanity.
I'm pretty sure a good part of it is hormonal because I occasionally wake up in a complete fit of joy about the glorious state of my life. Aside from keeping the kids fed and safe and occasionally even happy during the day, I have very few demands on my time. We can pack up for the beach or park at any time and just lounge or maybe take some crayons and paper and sit at the coffee shop for an hour. That's a good lifestyle by my standards. I really believe that generally I have a fabulous setup so it's all the more frustrating when I can't talk myself out of a crappy day(week). I don't recall all of this being as intense with the other pregnancies although I wasn't also caring for two kids the other times.
Some of it is just real processing about what the next two years are going to look like. I have really been enjoying my relative freedom from the intense needs of infant & toddler and I have to buck up to go back into it. Funny thing about babies, they don't give you a choice about this stuff once it's all in motion.
I love babies/kids and I know we'll figure it out just fine, but it's a different stage yet again and change doesn't seem to come that easily. Is that a sign of advancing age? Plus the change hasn't happened yet so I need to just kick back and enjoy the relative leisure. Appreciate the girls and the uninterrupted time I have with them now. Somehow it's so hard to RELAX when I'm yelling at myself to do it.
6 comments:
Tan, you are being very honest in verbalizing your highs & lows and we love you for that. Hormones and transitions can be deadly when you have responsibilites and can't always take time to try & figure it all out. That walk mama took in the rain with Ella this week seemed a very spontaneous special moment! mom
The rain day was very therapeutic for me and I was able to relax a bit. We sipped hot drinks, listened to the rain on the camper roof and went for that wet walk. I didn't touch the dishes or pick up any toys, maybe that was the key!
Hugs Tannis! I know you will be just fine once baby arrives and you're settled into your new "routine".
If you ever need anything, let me know! I'm always here!
Thanks Teri, I've had a few much better days since that post - maybe I just needed to get it out. I've been able to take things a bit less seriously, thank goodness!
I feel like you expressed some of the stuff I don't think I could put my finger on during my 3rd pregnancy.
There wasn't the same flow of joyous expectation that marked the others. The prego feelings were no indicator of how amazingly mad I would be about him from the moment he was born. Neat how it all kicks in at that moment. I'm about to go on and on so now I stop.
Thanks Ang, it's nice to know I might be normal sometimes. I'm hoping you meant "mad about him" in a good way, not you've been "mad at him" ever since. I could understand the possibilities of both though...
I know the warm fuzzies kicked in hard and fast when I had the girls so that's fun to look forward to. I think that's why labour is so hard, it's makes the wee squashy babies even more delightful.
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